Log in

No account? Create an account
ging gif v1


I Still feel that LIVEJERNIL is the Best Social Media Blog and is great for people who THINK LIKE MAGAZINES because they spent their formative years on LJ !

I Am Still ALive !!!


wow that cut and pasted very baddly




ging gif v1

How To Kill Queer Scum Properly (PART 2)

Her character and her very concept of self had been smashed and ripped out. the frontal lobe is the repository of personality. your very concept of identity exists in the frontal lobe and so does your concept of other like brains as yours as other peer conscious organs. The vaguely paranormal sounding studied 6th sense of something sort of inbetween the collective unconscious memes and reading auras. sybils got smashed in some weird way where if anyone tried to read her mind it would sound like a smashed guitar feeding back through echo. her brain does that when she walks in to the coffee shop. people can't read or remember what there where thinking and people having conversations start speaking more curtly and yelling. She can glower at the back of someone's neck from 40 feet away, the maximum distance she can see, and make them lose their mind and jump around screaming “what?” Over the next six months she broke her powers down to like 4 basic powers

Bionic Power Number one is the new skull.  It might be all fragile and delicate because they mail slot of a hole in her head big enuff to stuff a sunday paper in to cuz the newspaper was starting up again since Morteville’s population had been over 100000 a while. But what if it wasn't delicate? what if it was a headbutting tupperware battering ram?  with over a dozen screws all along her unflattering relocated hair line  and two really noticeable finger sized dents. her sense of self was smashed to pulp but her interests and her passions her view of the world and people were all still in here. Her character was gone but she found herself inferred in the remains of her practical knowledge and aesthetic memory ?

Collapse )
ging gif v1


The vain vapid dandy ne'er do wells side of the house brought Syb to the hardware store trying to get to to buy them a toilet for the west wing of 5Gallon cuz the drunk side had a really fancy toilet cuz they all worked construction and and pilfered stuff. they had 6 shower heads and a bidet and the west wing, where sybil had the headmistress bedroom was in much worse repair but wasnt missing any rooms like the east was. the wests bathroom was actually a utility sink. anything was permissible as long as it went down and stayed down the drain. they didn't realise until check out that she had no money, her Cheque cashers credit card was run in to the ceiling weeks ago and she didn’t even know how.

They let her wander out to the truck wearing a ratty nightie and little jean short cut offs, little peach fuzz growing in most spont around her jagged face removal scar. Wearing a bunch of hair clips to show off her face scar.Some dudes in the parking lot start laughing at her and yelling, "What the fuck are you? Are you wearing a fucking bra??".

Yeh like a blue leopard bra under a tea stain colored nighty her missing dead pet lamb humanoid  had left her, "Fuck you! You have a 40 bottle up your ass you jerk off, bitch!" Syb said. She was personally amazed that she really really didn't give a rats turd about .anything anymore. did you not hear me? “Stop lookin’ at my dick like a fag you want to suck it?!” she added saying the whole bit in a sneering sarcastic voice, sneering at the guy and and with her bad eye burbling around in its milky depths.

They kinda shuffled about looking confused "Hey what you say?" said the guy  twice syb’s size chewing on some uncertain dread here..

"I said I know you guys, you always at the gas station dumpster. I hear you suck dick for $10 !!"

They all had their jaws dropped looking and the faggot bitch with her face sewn on crooked calling them faggots? "Hey, watch your mouth! Don't be startin’ shit." says dude, he and all his mates circling in together trying hard to ignore her praying she goes away.

* * * * * *

The next time sumbuddy called her a "WTF is this fag shit" was at 3 months in a shore-side parking lot, she’d been in just cut offs and a bikini top and platform goth beach shoes from the 270s.

I chased that guy a block down the street screaming "yeh man, you the fag shit !! you the faggiest shit in shit town."  not like yelling or anything but just like walking at him and telling him he is a fag and laughing and smiling with her crooked face and a bikini.

The boy who lived in the room behind hers, the boy named Miss Lady Girl who happened to be a gay boy like a bunch of sybs friends and he attempted to have an intervention with her for running around trying to pick fights by calling people fags; quit perpetrating this cycle of disrespect and shaming language.

Syb apologized for the offence but she’s been desperate. The Fag-Shit guy has really seriously totally been screaming and running away from her.She had called the guy "the fag shit" and she was willing to pledge a periodic act of hopefully reparative atonement for pulling these stunts. And it wasn’t even her, but the fag-shit had started it. and i just felt so good to be running down the street screaming fag and chasing someone to hit them. It doesn't matter if you are even hitting them good, hit them more is better than hit them good. you need them exhausted

Syb know I'm bad and wrong for this behavior. She admits and accepts that this is sort of a re internalised autogynopbic self transphobia or whatever. I she could get ahold of the guy who knocked a slice off her her shed smash his face i with a tiny hammer, just like hers but she’s do it relly slowly with a tiny hammer to sculpt the breaks as close as possible. to make it fair even tho she is the only one who even brought fairness in to this. how was their first meeting fair ?

No Sybil was locked in to this plan because she strove for exact pound for pound justice. something to do with her revitalised vow to get kthulhu or whomever to talk to her on her Meth radio. Maybe she could do a lot of gay dishes or something. she had been dishwasher in a gay village delicatessen once a few years ago. she know the ropes.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Getting her skull broken open was easy, all of her memory blasted out and ripped away She remembers the faces of the guys with the pipe as giant thumbs with no faces.  It’s a little bit dumb not to have any one person to blame this on, but finding the two incompetent killers and caving in their skulls and crushing their rotator cuffs would be fun but without a confident match up she would just be terrorising sector 8 as a serial killer with a hammer.She remember her memory leaving, it felt like being in a station wagon that got hit by a speeding mac truck. like not a car anymore but the radio and the cigarette lighter still work?  Also since she’d be targeting only black guys in their thirties It could be easily misconstrued and look really really bad on her part and I would not want to tarnish the beloved and charming reputations drug addict squatter punks with vulgar tattoos northern trash usually were received with. You know what? Fuck squatting and cast all punks in to the central challices of hell, burn them all and use the heat to blow up every volcano ever until spitting lava ignites the sky. Make the whole sky a ball of fire and dry up everything and turn every living thing to cooked meat and leather. Housing is a privilege, not a right. Death to all Houses. Death to everything.

Syb would find a greater power and more clever key to pry the sky open again and demand the audience which  she had felt that she just been snubbed. She would hunt and harness every hate and wrap unspooled armature wire all over it and and make a scream that was a laser that would set the sun on fire and cook the earth. She would find sumthing way bigger than a goat heart in a peanut butter jar to collect the spite and fury and  piss in. From her blood and cooked meat and leather she would create a beautifully hostile golem to hold the demon she called to carry her right to the gates. She would tear the sky open and  It would be a lot  like getting hit by a car you hadn’t seen or slicing yourself across the hand with a box knife; if its bad enuff it don't hurt, your body has an automatic system that you can only hurt so much, there is a top limit to Pain. And if thats not really real then there is adrenalin which makes pain invisible for the first few minutes or even hours, so try to keep moving. Going into shock is your friend who cares about you so much it hurts. If her body was going to be in agony always how could it take really before pain just lost  its meaning. Kind of like if you drank a whole bottle of choklit syrup and after you drink down a like 4 mouthfuls it stops tasting like anything but sugar.

Syb noticed it first at the coffee shop and then again at the little grocery store that had just reopened next to it; her new look with the one eye and the obvious discount surgery way her  face had been sewn back on a bit crooked seemed to subliminally captivate and unnerve people a li’l bit. She had this crazy gnawing idea she couldn’t shake. How could she not have seen this before it was all so obvious, so vivid, so clear.

ging gif v1

try to remember where im going as fast as i can ~IGTB5

Try to remember where im going as fast as i can ~IGTB5

by Sybil Lamb on Saturday, 9 June 2012 at 12:38 ·

<select ... > <option ... ></option> <option ... >Public</option> <option ... >Friends</option> <option ... >Friends except acquaintances</option> <option ... >Only me</option> <option ... >Custom</option> <option ... >Close friends</option> <option ... >TsPx</option> <option ... >See all lists…</option> <option ... >PJParty</option> <option ... >HotMess</option> <option ... >The Things I Draw Come True</option> <option ... >House of Lamb</option> <option ... >Termite & Vine</option> <option ... >The Gutter</option> <option ... >House of Lamb</option> <option ... >Toronto Area</option> <option ... >Concordia University</option> <option ... >Family</option> <option ... >Acquaintances</option> <option ... >Go Back</option> </select>
Your changes have been saved.

i think its north of here

i go deeper in to the endless sprawl of the metropolis

not deeper downtown but up town an i get lost in neighbroods i dont know the name of

 houses small appartment buildings and little patches of 3 or 5 little sky scrapers moving together as a pack where everything else is less than 4 floors high.

waiting at a slice gate to go to some thing

all my vaugue aquaintences are hereall the people whos names i forget and hardly talk to but see every 4rth time i go out

im trying to remember what i was doing where i was going where do i live

enclaves on your couch in a rec room or a corner of a garage behind a van thats pretending to be a roomtwo or 3 or sumthing blocks from here is train tracks, sometimes its municipalk rail commuter trains sometimes its 53 foot containers stacked 2 high

3 high 4 high 8 high

trying to remember where this thing goes cuz i think i checked oncei think it rolls for all afternoon and then you jump off and its still mixed residential light commercial sprawli cant remember what those things with 8 stores joined together in a ring arround a parking lot on the corner of two major streets are called.im rummagiung through the garage or attic rec room or this place is in ambigious transit between being moved in to out of renovated abandoned or maybe its not even a real house.

maybe its a hastilly and cheaply cobbled together facimily of a house  to fuck with me and make me think the miscellanious city bits are scattered this dense forever… my android is trying to tell me 8 things but im overwhelemd to much to remember how to use it.noiyt overwhelmed, im refusing to try.im trying to go to the next sumthing. i had a plansome important person from my past is not trying to contact me. i made a mistake. i made a note on my phone to remember/ look at your pictures and remind myself what im doingill go back the other way downtown . whatevers on the train tracks, are they behind the convenience store with $2 shitty cappucino?  south of here is a jummble of buildings, pushed in to a pile, construction machines shoved all the buildings in to a pile so there would be a place of entire city blocks stripped down to assphalt and sidewalks and concreat dust, to be a parking lot for 100 ton brute machines painted in construction yellow. they built a chain link fence arround it all to close the 20 square block area in, theres lots of holes in the fence to sneak through. they’ll only chase you if they see you, they only care if your touching the yellow machines, they dont care if you want to risk breaking your bones and bleeding all over a pile of buildings slopped in to a a broken glass and crumbs of sheet rock no electricity destroyed office chairs 20 year old paper work and dead bird shit maze with graphitti not in any language just random letters for brute typography’s own sake and  fire exits leading to unrepairable husks of truck parked in offices with overturned desks holding shut doors leading to garbage filled hallways bathrooms with all the sinks and toilets smashed in to a porceline beach rocks and motionless elevators used as toilets

on the edge of some old couch in this rec room garage attic unfinished basement, shaking my android like a magic 8 ball, aquaintences with names i forgot  getting drunk and high and riled up to go do somthing fun/awful and im hanging on the stoop trying to remember if we can openly stoop hereand i think there is a road near by that leads under the tracks and then goes souith by going north west. it leads to where there is over passes caressing a 4 lane under periodic construction where the city turns to hills going down and then there is some mix of water and giant rocks where the canals either drain to or are fed from. no, thats where they start, its giant cement pipes that drain there.

i remind myself that i live somewhere and i try to stop trying to figure out where all my stuff is and pull my pockets apart and throw my android at a coat i think is mine and try to stop recognizing junk in this garage as having sumthing to do with me

if i can just interpret the clear and wonderful plan i hid formyself in a poket full of reciepts and scraps torn from different newspapers flyers and pamphletes im about to sum,thing that will reap me the glory and tear open the sky like the ass of your long unwashed skin tight 2nd hand jeans


 ·  · Share · Delete

ging gif v1

I Have Zines For Sale priced $5-->2$-->Free if you bring your own ink and paper

FINALLY !!!!  just printed a small run of two fun titles
best of death fuck comix 2000-2008
legal size/48 pages (12 pieces of paper)  I print it at home on my big ass printer, i t sez $5 on the cover, i can sell them bulk  for  $2
you have my blessing to print them yourself !!!
this document is in MSWORD2010 and is eacy to print
||oh shit, you prolly dont have half my fonts, holler at me and I'll send you fonts cuz Ive started keeping FONT_BACKUP
Also its printing 2.5 for 
|Lost Little Girl Show|
Having fun and Playing Games|
This is actually an autobiographical comic taht has also birthed a stage show with punk rock and puppets and 3 other comic books.
HFPG is the first of the LLGS comix to be completely redrawn and colored with computers and desktop published|
Hypotheticall you could print this yourself. i have the comic and cover seperate files cuz I print the Cover on coverstock|
these are the files.|
tell me if this helps you cuz I want to load all my zines in here as printable files eventually.....||




iVE gOT A tIME b*MB 
TO COMPLICATE MATTERS EVEN WORSE i NUMBERED THE PAGES WITH a new numbering system i invented in my head while recovering from head trauma. the entire thing is hidden here as a broekn web comic that i never made work



 How to Fail to Kill Queer Scum
is getting reprinted soon with a special EXTRA PAGE thats gonna say sumthing like |
its been 4 years since 2 guys tried to kill me for being a tranvestite freak faggot.
I'm still alive and my head and neck are held together with all kinds of screws and plastic
But the whole thing really made me get my shit together cure anxiety and depression
And today I'm optomistic and doings great art and everybuddy loves me. 
And I'm still a Fag and a Queen except way more loud and defiant and technically 
When the Hospital put me back together they made me in to a cyborg, so fuck you, bashers.
You Lose,  I won.


and thats gonna be bundled with 
Detransition NOW !!!
Trannys are Demon Punks

like The version I gave away 200 of at I dapalooza 2008 but i gotta redo the whole layout. so more pix maybe. 

SO LIKE ANYWAYS, I have a few dozen copies of DEATHFUCK and LLGS_HavingFunPlayingGames
I can send you up to 24 of each for $2per each (how much is shipping to australia ?!?!  england is affordable but y'all are another 2000 miles!)

If you wanna print the zines yourself from the Docx files please do !!  send me a   Tribute donation to my PayPal. I never make money on zines but they cost me about a dollar each plus my time to give away and I like to distro like a tsunami !
PayPAl------>> StayUnderTheSink@Gmail.com 
or you could try this:  my site has a button
I'll add the Aussi button next time i repair this thing !
My Cpanel Noticed you been promoting your Distro far and Wide !!  Looking forward to a long while working with you !!
Do Y'all Facebook in Ausstralia ?
I use it mostly for pix of my haircut and getting PArty ivitations but Its the only consistent place I blog art these days...|
 · Share
Want to share your album? You can give friends or relatives this link:


From: bitchplease zinedistro <btchpleasedi|stro@gmail.com>
To: lily butter <lillianbutter@yahoo.com> 
Sent: Sunday, February 12, 2012 6:48 AM
Subject: Re: trans woman zine distro

they all sound fucking amazing!!! i'd love to get copies of them and i can definitely photocopy them and distro them everywhere!
i am totally happy to buy the originals off you and give you money for shipping. just let me know how much and how to get it to you (paypal would be easiest if you have an account).
my address is:
bitch please distro
po box 692
newtown NSW 2042

On 12 February 2012 20:41, lily butter <lillianbutter@yahoo.com> wrote:
I could only spare a few copies of the following list:
I'm hoping you will reproduce them and distro them everywhere.

and yes i been a trans woman making zines since 1992.
omigawd 20 years ??!? i never noticed that before !  shit.

TrannyPunk 8  -aka TsPx008 how to kill queer scum (surviving getting bashed  nearly to death)
Tranny Punk 7,6,5,   collected tranny punk stories and rants (out of print)

here is my autobiographilogical  stories about gutta tech tranzez, thrill crimes and occult street gang lust triangles~

I've got a time B*mb 3 how to live well with homelessness and mental illness  (96 pages 11x14)!
I've got a time B*mb 2 Drug Store
I've got a time B*mb 1 Miss Carriage Fyre

a 24 pg comic book of comic sketches 2002-2006 is gona be printed soon

and my mini comic 
Lost Little Girl Show ~ 1 ~ Having fun And Playing Games

its the LLGS comic book and its the size of a pack of smokes
I cant print my own stuff and do my own distro. I printed 100 hi res grey scal printer copies of the mini comic with a 100gm card stock cover for about 100$ . I put $2 on the cover but i gave away at least 80 of them. i use them as bizznizz cards that cost me $1 each.

yeh sumbuddy else should distro my stuff. we can mail money and manuscripts back and forth. looking forwrd.


From: bitchplease zinedistro <btchpleasedistro@gmail.com>
To: lillianbutter@yahoo.com 
Sent: Sunday, February 12, 2012 3:13 AM

Subject: trans woman zine distro

i'm starting a trans woman zine distro called "bitch please" for zines by trans women/or with trans women submissions. i saw your comics on trannypunk.com and was wondering if i could distro them/any other zines you have. i'm doing stalls at punk shows/queer events etc, and also want to do a website and mail order. i could either give them away free/donation to cover printing or sell them and pass the money onto you.
hope to hear from you!

ging gif v1