Only Lamby-Pie was Worthy (lilybutterland) wrote,
Only Lamby-Pie was Worthy


The vain vapid dandy ne'er do wells side of the house brought Syb to the hardware store trying to get to to buy them a toilet for the west wing of 5Gallon cuz the drunk side had a really fancy toilet cuz they all worked construction and and pilfered stuff. they had 6 shower heads and a bidet and the west wing, where sybil had the headmistress bedroom was in much worse repair but wasnt missing any rooms like the east was. the wests bathroom was actually a utility sink. anything was permissible as long as it went down and stayed down the drain. they didn't realise until check out that she had no money, her Cheque cashers credit card was run in to the ceiling weeks ago and she didn’t even know how.

They let her wander out to the truck wearing a ratty nightie and little jean short cut offs, little peach fuzz growing in most spont around her jagged face removal scar. Wearing a bunch of hair clips to show off her face scar.Some dudes in the parking lot start laughing at her and yelling, "What the fuck are you? Are you wearing a fucking bra??".

Yeh like a blue leopard bra under a tea stain colored nighty her missing dead pet lamb humanoid  had left her, "Fuck you! You have a 40 bottle up your ass you jerk off, bitch!" Syb said. She was personally amazed that she really really didn't give a rats turd about .anything anymore. did you not hear me? “Stop lookin’ at my dick like a fag you want to suck it?!” she added saying the whole bit in a sneering sarcastic voice, sneering at the guy and and with her bad eye burbling around in its milky depths.

They kinda shuffled about looking confused "Hey what you say?" said the guy  twice syb’s size chewing on some uncertain dread here..

"I said I know you guys, you always at the gas station dumpster. I hear you suck dick for $10 !!"

They all had their jaws dropped looking and the faggot bitch with her face sewn on crooked calling them faggots? "Hey, watch your mouth! Don't be startin’ shit." says dude, he and all his mates circling in together trying hard to ignore her praying she goes away.

* * * * * *

The next time sumbuddy called her a "WTF is this fag shit" was at 3 months in a shore-side parking lot, she’d been in just cut offs and a bikini top and platform goth beach shoes from the 270s.

I chased that guy a block down the street screaming "yeh man, you the fag shit !! you the faggiest shit in shit town."  not like yelling or anything but just like walking at him and telling him he is a fag and laughing and smiling with her crooked face and a bikini.

The boy who lived in the room behind hers, the boy named Miss Lady Girl who happened to be a gay boy like a bunch of sybs friends and he attempted to have an intervention with her for running around trying to pick fights by calling people fags; quit perpetrating this cycle of disrespect and shaming language.

Syb apologized for the offence but she’s been desperate. The Fag-Shit guy has really seriously totally been screaming and running away from her.She had called the guy "the fag shit" and she was willing to pledge a periodic act of hopefully reparative atonement for pulling these stunts. And it wasn’t even her, but the fag-shit had started it. and i just felt so good to be running down the street screaming fag and chasing someone to hit them. It doesn't matter if you are even hitting them good, hit them more is better than hit them good. you need them exhausted

Syb know I'm bad and wrong for this behavior. She admits and accepts that this is sort of a re internalised autogynopbic self transphobia or whatever. I she could get ahold of the guy who knocked a slice off her her shed smash his face i with a tiny hammer, just like hers but she’s do it relly slowly with a tiny hammer to sculpt the breaks as close as possible. to make it fair even tho she is the only one who even brought fairness in to this. how was their first meeting fair ?

No Sybil was locked in to this plan because she strove for exact pound for pound justice. something to do with her revitalised vow to get kthulhu or whomever to talk to her on her Meth radio. Maybe she could do a lot of gay dishes or something. she had been dishwasher in a gay village delicatessen once a few years ago. she know the ropes.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Getting her skull broken open was easy, all of her memory blasted out and ripped away She remembers the faces of the guys with the pipe as giant thumbs with no faces.  It’s a little bit dumb not to have any one person to blame this on, but finding the two incompetent killers and caving in their skulls and crushing their rotator cuffs would be fun but without a confident match up she would just be terrorising sector 8 as a serial killer with a hammer.She remember her memory leaving, it felt like being in a station wagon that got hit by a speeding mac truck. like not a car anymore but the radio and the cigarette lighter still work?  Also since she’d be targeting only black guys in their thirties It could be easily misconstrued and look really really bad on her part and I would not want to tarnish the beloved and charming reputations drug addict squatter punks with vulgar tattoos northern trash usually were received with. You know what? Fuck squatting and cast all punks in to the central challices of hell, burn them all and use the heat to blow up every volcano ever until spitting lava ignites the sky. Make the whole sky a ball of fire and dry up everything and turn every living thing to cooked meat and leather. Housing is a privilege, not a right. Death to all Houses. Death to everything.

Syb would find a greater power and more clever key to pry the sky open again and demand the audience which  she had felt that she just been snubbed. She would hunt and harness every hate and wrap unspooled armature wire all over it and and make a scream that was a laser that would set the sun on fire and cook the earth. She would find sumthing way bigger than a goat heart in a peanut butter jar to collect the spite and fury and  piss in. From her blood and cooked meat and leather she would create a beautifully hostile golem to hold the demon she called to carry her right to the gates. She would tear the sky open and  It would be a lot  like getting hit by a car you hadn’t seen or slicing yourself across the hand with a box knife; if its bad enuff it don't hurt, your body has an automatic system that you can only hurt so much, there is a top limit to Pain. And if thats not really real then there is adrenalin which makes pain invisible for the first few minutes or even hours, so try to keep moving. Going into shock is your friend who cares about you so much it hurts. If her body was going to be in agony always how could it take really before pain just lost  its meaning. Kind of like if you drank a whole bottle of choklit syrup and after you drink down a like 4 mouthfuls it stops tasting like anything but sugar.

Syb noticed it first at the coffee shop and then again at the little grocery store that had just reopened next to it; her new look with the one eye and the obvious discount surgery way her  face had been sewn back on a bit crooked seemed to subliminally captivate and unnerve people a li’l bit. She had this crazy gnawing idea she couldn’t shake. How could she not have seen this before it was all so obvious, so vivid, so clear.

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